Survey, yes, again, another one, wait, its the same one

So, apparently, surveys are like the plague. No one responded to mine. But I really need the information. So, here’s my plan. I’m re-posting the link to the survey in the hopes that you’ll be nice and loving people and complete the (short!) survey. If you’re naughty instead of nice, hey, I know the feeling, then visit my NEW website at One day I’ll upgrade to a real domain name. Maybe after a survey says I should. (Tongue in cheek). From there, you can contact me anonymously, or not, as you choose, and tell me a bit about yourself and what you would find most helpful in a book about BPD. Are you suffering from it yourself? Is your partner or loved one? Do you just want to know more because, hey, curiosity is what makes the world go round? I really want to get to know who you are, all you anonymous people, because I love you and I want you to love me too. Wait, that’s codependency. Hey, I’m still working on my therapy workbooks, don’t judge. So, please, follow one of the two links below, and I’ll send a million well wishes your way. Or, if you fill out the contact form, maybe I’ll come up with something more tangible. Cause a million is a lot, I’d rather send candy. But, as you wish. So, here goes nothing:

Link to survey: BPD Survey

Link to website: Kirk’s BPD Website

And, the obligatory Amazon link to my book: Amazon: Borderline Affairs

Much love,


Kirk’s Homepage


Funding, Pt II

I need your assistance in making this project a reality. I have sold a small number of books already, which is good news. I also have been shown over 12k times on Google’s AdWords network, with several hundred clicks. These clicks cost me money, and they’re not necessarily translating into immediate sales. I’ve done marketing before, and I know it takes money to make money. I’m not here to make money. I’m here to reach an audience that needs to hear they’re not alone, that their struggles aren’t in vain, that suicide isn’t the only way out. It, apparently, takes money for this purpose too. So, unfortunately, I’m going to keep asking for donations until I decide that I have enough to proceed or I give up and realize that no one cares. Please tell me this has not all been in vain. Remember, there’s prizes attached to the donations, so check them out! You can donate here or you can purchase the book here. Every dollar goes a long way. Do the right thing, not just for me, but for the mental health community, and help provide a valuable resource to the neediest of patients.

With love and gratitude,



Book cover



Guys, I need your help to make this project a reality. I have started a gofundme account to help offset marketing costs. In particular, this money will be used to buy Google AdWords impressions, postage and printing foresters to booksellers, flyers, business cards and the upfront costs of supplying consignment copies. I strongly believe that thirty is a niche market of borderline sufferers desperate for inspiration and hope from fellow sufferers, not just a clinical perspective. I especially believe that many mental health practitioners could benefit from the inside knowledge. Too many borderline cases go undiagnosed, and those that are often go under treated, often due to stigma and lack of knowledge. I can help stem that problem, with your assistance. Please donate today at gofundme with any amount you can afford. Lives depend on it. With a donation at or above $35.00 I am supplying a complimentary signed paperback copy of my book as a token of appreciation.

Please consider a donation in any amount today so I can continue marketing my book and come ever closer to reaching my target market. I know you and I, together, can save lives. Let’s make that a reality.

Taking down my blog :(

Sadly, as part of my publishing experience, Amazon requires that content I make available for purchase cannot be freely given away anywhere else, including my own blog or website. I’ve left as many posts as possible online, but I’ve had to make “private” anything that’s in my book. I wish I was able to offer discounts to my blog followers, because you’ve meant so much to me over these years (if I figure out a way to do so, you’ll be the first to know!) Many of you are also struggling with mental health issues, or drug abuse issues. Many of you know someone who is, even if you yourself don’t have these issues. Either way, I hope I’ve been able and will be able to provide a much-needed perspective – the perspective of the person living and struggling with these diseases. There’s a lot of clinical books out on how to “handle” and “deal with” people like me. I don’t want to be “handled.” I want to be loved. I hope my works show the suffering that takes place daily in the the lives of people living with these diseases. But, I also want my works to show that there is hope. Yes, I still suffer from borderline personality. Yes, I’m still an active drug user. But you know what? I’m alive. I have to repeat that. I’m alive. You have no idea how important that is, how unlikely that is, and how precious that is. I attempted suicide 14 times. I lived on the streets for years. I’ve struggled so hard to end this life that I forgot to struggle to see the beauty of life instead. No, my book doesn’t provide much hope, because I don’t see a lot of hope. But, I’m alive. That’s more than I’ve been able to say before. And maybe, with each passing day, I’ll come to appreciate life more, and find more reasons to go on. And that’s why I write. To show that I’m not alone and you’re not alone, that there is a shared human experience, that that experience may be awful sometimes, but that others have endured, and so can you, and so can I. That’s my message.

Until Amazon lets me re-enable my blog, you can find my book “Borderline Affairs: A Memoir” on Amazon by searching for the title or under the topic of borderline personality and self-help/mood disorders category. I’m not trying this out make a ton of money off this. I just want to spread to a wider audience and maybe reach someone that really needs to be reached. That said, the book is only $3.49 on Kindle, or $9.99 in print. And you get to see my beautiful photoshop cover art! I appreciate any interest, and I remain available on my blog. I want to hear from you. And I’ll keep posting updated entries.

Much love,

Kirk Rehn

Amazon Kindle book link:

Now available!

Hey loyal readers (and some not-so-loyal ones), I did it! I published my blog, revised, edited and updated, in ebook format and print edition. The ebook format is available NOW at Amazon. The print edition will be linked up shortly, check back if you’re interested. While I realize much of the book is drawn from my free blog entries, there is new and revised content, and for a couple bucks you can show your support, not just for me, but for people everywhere suffering from borderline personality, depression, addiction, and those actively suicidal. These are the people that need to see they’re not alone. If your loved ones, family, relatives or friends, or just that strange girl in class, are suffering from similar problems, please take the opportunity to read my book. I don’t offer any advice, I don’t even offer any hope.. But I do offer a much needed perspective: a first-person account. Too many people struggle alone. Too many think suicide is the only option. Too many turn to drugs to drown out their problems. I know, because when I searched for support when I was first diagnosed, there was none to be had. Borderline personality may well be the ultimate silent killer…. Not all signs are visible, until suicide occurs, and everyone wonders why that happened. When I was diagnosed, at 25, I was told most people with borderline personality don’t live past 30. It’s not because the disease is terminal. It’s because the suicide rate is so high, and the proportion of attempts that result in actual death are higher than for any other recognized disease. Worse, many more suicides are committed out of anger, to “get back” at someone, to “make them hurt.” I should know. Some of my most lethal attempts were not when I actually wanted to end my life; instead, they occurred when I was angry at how someone treated me, and I wanted revenge. What better way to get back at someone than to say their actions caused death? What better way than to force them to live their lives knowing they’ve effectively committed murder? The allure of suicidality is strong, and it remains strong in me to this day. If you suffer with borderline personality, I know your pain. Doctors, as much as they care, don’t really know. And certainly no one seems understands. So you need to know that, despite your differences from those around you, there are others living your life, sharing your struggles, and they actually understand you, your thoughts and why you do what you do. It’s no surprise that drug use is rampant in the community. It’s no surprise that the suicide rate is so high. People in pain will do anything to alleviate it. This isn’t the kind of pain for which painkillers work. What’s needed is to cauterize a few emotions and excise a few demons. Only drugs and death can do that.

But I’ve survived, despite all odds. I’m 31 now. I made it farther than anyone thought I would. And I’m still going. I still suffer, I still fear abandonment, I still lash out at others who are simply trying to help, I still abuse drugs and I’m still actively suicidal…. But I’m alive, and some days, that’s a real blessing, to have suffered so much but lived on to see the beauty in some of the simolest things, breathe the fresh air, and know that the struggle is not in vain. Someday, I hope to actually want to live,  not just be propelled along like a piece of broken down machinery. Until then, I find joy in small things, little reasons to be alive, and I hope and know that list will keep on growing until I see beauty everywhere. Borderline see only black and white. I’m learning to see shades of grey. Someday, I hope I can see color. I know it will be beautiful.

In this book, as in my blog, I offer no judgment for any life choices. Many of you may have been judged for who you are and what you do. Take comfort in this book, knowing that I won’t judge. I hope you write to me, I’m keeping this blog active, I want to know if anyone finds comfort in hearing their story told by another, in hearing their unique problems aren’t so unique. I don’t support twelve step groups, but I can’t understate the importance of knowing there are others like you. I remember when I first found that out, at a Crystal Meth Anonymous meeting. Like I said, I don’t support the AA group of programs, but, for the first time in my entire life, I heard someone, and then someone else, and then yet another, tell a story that matched mine so exactly, it really creeped me out. I broke down and cried in that meeting. There’s nothing more isolating and terrifying than feeling like your experiences are unique. While we are all unique people, we share certain common experiences, and respond in similar ways to similar stressors. I was ready to die because no one understood. Then, I found people that did, and suddenly I didn’t need to die anymore. It’s not so simple as that, but it is as simple as sharing your story and hoping it falls on the ears of someone in desperate need of support, someone so isolated, someone so abandoned, that drugs and death are the only way out. Like I said, I’m not offering much hope in this book,  but there is underlying hope, that despite my suicide attempts, despite my drug addictions, despite my homelessness, I survived. And you can too. Please, for my sake, please do survive. Only time will tell whether survival is worth it, but if you die you’ve cut short the opportunity to discover life’s beauty. I know it exists. Together, we can find it.

Please support me and my fellow sufferers, family and caretakers of sufferers, and their friends… Discover for yourself what it’s like inside the mind of borderline personality, and maybe you’ll find some nugget of hope, or wisdom, or understanding, that just may save a life.

The ebook is priced at $3.49, the paperback print version will be priced at $9.99. I did my own cover art, that alone is worth the price!

I need to know that my sacrifices, my efforts over the years have not gone in vain. I appreciate your purchase and I welcome your comments or questions. I’m here for you. I believe in you. You’re worth it.


I can only relate too well. This is masterfully written.

Dr Nicholas Jenner

TRIGGER WARNING : If you are uncomfortable reading about sexual abuse, please do not read further.

It is estimated that up to fifty percent of sexual abuse victims who receive medical treatment after episodes of abuse carry no physical scars at all. However, it is also estimated that all of them will carry the mental scars for most, if not all of their lives. This makes perfect sense. Abuse victims often report that the physical touch was not the worst part of the abuse but the burden of carrying the “secret” and knowledge of the abuse which stays with them at all times superseded this many times over. This burden also carries the responsibility of what to do with this information. Revealing it could mean being taken away from loved ones or the break-up of a family as well as legal consequences for the abuser. This can cause great hardship for a young mind.


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